Till There Was Me

Another One from Wax

2010-10-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

We were walking along a strip mall when we passed by CVS. Wax just learning how to read, tried to read the sign on the wall that said "Get your Flu Shots here.". After successfully reading it he then asked, "Mommy, what are flu shots?" Without waiting for my response, he then blurted out, "What, when you get the shots it will make you fly?" WAAAHHH, I was laughing so hard I could not say a word. Ah, kids and their ways of thinking!

A Good Laugh

2010-04-14T00:29:00.000-07:00

Watch the NBC show The Marriage Ref. It never fails to give me a good laugh. Watch it on Hulu if you don't catch it on NBC. ;)

The Warrick Xander Bruan Digest

2009-10-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

I am compiling some of Wax's funny, witty, or just plain adult-like questions, phrases or "words of wisdom" into a some sort of a digest... Here are some of them.

While walking home from school, Wax asked me... "Can I play wii later?" Me: "I'll think about it. I'll let you know when we get home." After 10 minutes of walking, while going up the steps to the apartment... Wax: "So, Mommy, did you think about it?" Me: "I'm still thinking, anak." Wax: "Oh Mommy, you're a slow thinker!"

Me: Why did you not eat your lunch at school? Wax: Because I didn't like it. Me: Why? What was it? Wax: It was SMASHED POTATO! it's not my favorite.

Wax to me: "Why did we buy Chinese takeout today? Oh, I know, you're too lazy to cook!"

"Mommy, why are you watching TV? Did you do your homework already?" (speaking like I am his daughter)

Wax wanted to play a video game instead of doing his homework but I said no. So he started jumping & running around the house instead. I asked him to stop because the neighbors downstairs might get angry. This was what he said: "If you'll let me play a video game, I will stop jumping and running. Is that a deal? huh?"

When Wax came home from school, he noticed that everything in the house was in order except that I didn't make the bed. He then said: "Why did you not fix the bed?" Me: "We're going to ruin it later anyway." Wax: "Then what did you do when I was in school?"

One afternoon while walking home from school... "So how was your day at home, Mommy?" "It was good.", I said. Then he asked "Did you cook and clean?" Me: "Yes." Wax: "Good! Now I can give you a hug!"

Wax noticed I got a band aid around my finger... Wax: "What happened to your finger? You have a booboo?" Me: "Yes. I hit something." Wax: "Next time you have to be careful. And watch where you're going!"

2009-07-20T17:08:00.000-07:00

Minsan magandang sumusulat din sa tagalog. Mas nasasabi ko kung anong nasa isip ko. Yun nga lang may mga salita na di ko alam sabihin (o isulat) sa tagalog o kaya mas maganda din namang sa ingles isulat. Basta pipilitin kong tagalog lahat. Ano nga ba ang gusto kong isulat ngayon? Ang dami kasing umiikot sa isip ko eh. Walang mapagsabihan kaya dito na lang o baka sakali lang din na kapulutan ng aral ng makakabasa. Pero tama ba namang i-broadcast sa lahat ng nagbabasa at nakakaintindi ng blog na ito? hehehe

Ang pagiging ina ay di madaling papel sa buhay. Masaya pero nakakapagod. Fulfilling pero mahirap. Ang pasensya ng isang ina dapat milya-milya. Ang lakas dapat nag-uumapaw. At dapat ang pagmamahal walang exceptions.

Ano ba ang ginagawa ng isang ina para sa anak? Di naman ganon kadami pero kinakailangan ng maraming oras. Minsan nga parang wala nang oras para sa sarili e. Paliguan, ipagluto, pakainin, turuan, makipaglaro, patulugin, mahalin at yakapin at halikan in between, pasayahin, alalahanin kung kailan dapat uminom ng vitamins. Iba pa ung siguraduhing malinis ang bahay para di siya magkasakit. Mas mahirap pag may sakit ang bata. Di kasi sila gaya nating matatanda na kayang alagaan ang sarili pag may sakit. Minsan nami-miss ko yung may yayang tumutulong mag-alaga, di lahat ng gawain sa akin lang.

Nako, hindi ako nagrereklamo (siguro konti hehe). Sa totoo, gusto kong itong tinatawag na "hands-on mom". Gusto ko lang maintindihan din ng iba, lalo na ng mga walang anak, na hindi madali. Yun ngang mga nanay na may mga yaya ang mga anak nahihirapan na, ako pa kayang wala?

Sino ba naman ang taong ayaw magkaroon ng oras para sa sarili at sa mga gusto nyang gawin. Ako, marami akong gustong gawin... mag-scrapbook, manahi, magganstilyo, magbasa, manood ng sine, gumimik, magshopping, magsulat, mag eksperimento sa pagluluto, mag-aral uli, magtrabaho, mag-computer, at kung anu-ano pang pagbubutingting. Pero dahil may anak na akong dapat intindihin, may mga bagay na di ko na pwedeng gawin palagi. Kailangan ko din kasing matutunan ang tamang paghati ng oras ko pero talagang di naman lahat pwedeng gawin palagi. Meron at meron talagang kailangang isakripisyo o iisang tabi. Sino o ano ba naman kasi ang mas mahalaga? Kailangan pa bang tanungin un? Ang paniniwala ko kasi, mas imprtanteng pagukulan ng panahon ang mga taong mahal mo basta wag lang pabayaan ang sarili.

Ang gusto ko lang iparating, ang pagiging ina ay hindi birong responsibilidad at kasama sa pagiging ina ang pagsasakripisyo ng sariling mga kagustuhan. At di lahat ng ina ay perpektong tao, may mga panahong sumasablay din.

My Random Thoughts

2009-07-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

Here are random (some irrational) thoughts...

Knowing that someone loves you so much and promised to never leave you is not an excuse to take him for granted. Sometimes you need to get out of your usual self to show your appreciation, give your assurance, hug him and maybe give him a few unexpected kisses to let him know that he is loved. You wouldn't want to wake up one day realizing he's not by your side anymore.

In a couples life, partners reach a period that they become comfortable with each other. This isn't a bad thing. What's bad is when they become too comfortable that they end up taking each other for granted.

Love is blind -- and stupid. Because you love him, you accept him for who, what and how he is. Even if you don't know if he loves you. Even if you know you are not the (only) one. Even if you feel you're not appreciated, you still stay.

Can't get this stanza from Patti Smith's song Love Just Ain't Enough out of my mind... It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain. And like a fool who will never see the truth, I keep thinking something's gonna change.

How long do you try to endure the pain of knowing he isn't THE ONE? How much emotional beatings should your heart take before you finally accept the fact that you will never be the one? Should you leave now or wait for either of these two things to happen - when you finally get tired of the hurting or until the person you love realizes you are the one?

A lot of people agree that when a woman gives up on a man, it means it's really over.

Is it right to, intentionally or unintentionally, instill fear on your partners mind for him not to ask questions and to just accept and be contented of whatever it is given to him?

Why do you "stick" with your partner? Is it because you love him? Because you fear that he will leave you? Or both?

Is it ok to be a romatic when your partner isn't? If you are not and your partner is, would you just let her be and appreciate her or would you rather just shrug her off and tell her how corny she is?

Out of Reach

2009-06-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

Knew the signs wasn't right

I was stupid, for a while

Swept away, by you

And now I feel like a fool

So confused

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach, couldn't see

We were never met to be

Catch myself, from despair

I could drown if I stay here

Keeping busy, everyday

I know I will be ok

But I'm

So confused

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach, couldn't see

We were never met to be

So much hurt, so much pain

Takes a while to regain

What is lost inside

And I hope that in time

You'll be out of my mind

I'll be over you

And know I'm

So confused

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach, couldn't see

We were never met to be

Out of reach, so far,

You never gave your heart

In my reach, I can see

There's a life out there for me

10 Things I Want to Do Before I Turn 40 - Revised and Revisited

2009-04-11T16:06:00.000-07:00

I would like to revisit the list I made sometime in 2007 - a few months before I turned 30 - and check what I have accomplished and what needs to be changed. I have accomplished 2 of the original 10.

Learn how to drive
Honeymoon in Dakak
Learn how to swim
Relax in Boracay
See the reefs in Batangas or Dumaguete
Create a winning scrapbook layout
Vacation in Paris
Live in the US
Take a cruise around Asia
Have another baby (girl)

My new list in no particular order:

Lose and reach my ideal weight (130s at least)
Read at least 4 books every year for the remaining 7 1/2 years (that's about 30 books)
Buy a house
Buy a car
Learn how to swim
Take good photographs
Create at least 1 scrapbook album a year
Travel to an Asian country (except Phils) - Bangkok, Japan or Vietnam
Travel to Boracay, Davao, Pagudpod or Vigan
Vacation in Paris, Vienna or any South American country - Brazil perhaps

Some of my latest shots

2009-04-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

Looks Can Be Deceiving

2009-04-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

When I saw this tree in a park we went to I couldn't help take a photograph of it. I thought of it as life's metaphor. You see, it's winter season when I took this shot. One would think of it as a lifeless, barren tree. It's actually not. After the winter, this tree will definitely bloom. Leaves and flowers will grow on its branches. Spring will breathe life to it.

Life is like this tree. At least once in our lifetime, we had (or will have) our very own winter season. Every leaf, every flower falls off and life isn't just "in bloom". But we should never lose hope, for spring will always come. It may come sooner or later than we hope for but it will definitely come.

In our winter times, even if everything else seems to go the wrong way, there are still a lot to be thankful for. Our families who are always there just waiting for us to reach out. Friends who are always ready to lend a helping hand, hear our rants or even cry with us. Our health. And above all, the love and support we receive from the people who care most about us.

Where, Oh, Where?

2009-03-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

Do you know where you're going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you

Where are you going to?

Do you know...?

Do you get

What you're hoping for

When you look behind you

There's no open doors

What are you hoping for?

Do you know...?

Once we were standing still in time

Chasing the fantasies

That filled our minds

You knew how I loved you

But my spirit was free

Laughin' at the questions

That you once asked of me

Now looking back at all we've planned

We let so many dreams

Just slip through our hands

Why must we wait so long

Before we'll see

How sad the answers

To those questions can be

- Theme from Mahogany

Sung by Diana Ross

Fear

2009-02-20T16:01:00.000-08:00

Fear. The instinctual response to potential danger. An unpleasant and often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. Whatever it may be, it is something that's in us. I would bow down and kiss the feet of anyone who doesn't fear anything.

Fear just makes us do things that we never imagined we could do, things we never thought we are capable of and even forces us to make sacrifices.

There are a lot of things I fear about but there are two things that top my list (all others I can manage) - DEATH and LOSING SOMEONE I TRULY LOVE. Just thinking of these two things make my heart beat faster, my hands cold as ice, my blood pressure rise to uncontrollable peak and bring tears to my eyes. These two things are the ones I can never overcome, no matter what I do, it just haunts me.

In Return

2009-01-21T20:16:00.000-08:00

If I say "I love you" or "I miss you" to someone, it would be really flattering and nice to hear "I love you too" or "I miss you too". But isn't it that if you say those loving words, you shouldn't expect the person to answer back?

In the first place, why do we actually say those words? I say those words only when I mean it. I say it to let the other person know that I love or miss him/her and as much as possible I don't expect that person to say it back to me although as I have said, it'll make me really feel better if i hear it back. I wouldn't want to pressure that person into saying things he/she don't really mean. I'd rather not hear it if they don't mean it.

Another Night of Home-Cooked Meal

2009-01-10T19:09:00.000-08:00

Veggie Egg Rolls (Lumpiang Gulay)

shredded cabbage
chopped carrots
diced onion
onion leaks
ground beef
salt and pepper to taste

Saute onion and ground beef until beef is brown. Add carrots, onion leaks and cabbage. Cook cabbage to your preference. Sprinkle salt and pepper. Set aside and let it cool. Wrap veggies in egg roll wrappers and deep fry. Serve with sweet and sour dip

Chicken Macaroni Soup (Chicken Sopas) - sorry no pictures :)

chopped onions
onion leaks
cubed carrots
shredded cabbage
2 cups elbow macaroni
6 cups water
1 chicken broth cube
pepper to taste

Boil water with chopped onions, onion leaks and chicken broth cube. Add elbow macaroni. Cook pasta until al dente. Add in carrots and cabbage. Sprinkle pepper to taste. Serve hot.

I Went Dream Dream Bang Bang

2009-01-06T23:12:00.000-08:00

Have you seen The Dark Knight? If you have then most probably you noticed Bruce Wayne's really cool entertainment system. It's a Bang & Olufsen system. If not for a friend, I would never know this brand. I got the chance to visit one of the six store/showrooms they have in New York City and, goodness gracious great balls of fire! I was in complete awe. My jaw almost dropped. Their modern designs are exceptional. The sound is non-comparable. The details and intelligence are ingenious and the price... well it's one for my "forever wish list".

At the store, I instantly fell in love with this... the Beosound 9000

BeoSound 9000 with BeoLab 4000

The BeoSound 9000 can be clamped on a wall, placed atop a desk or clipped on a stand. Aside from it being a Bang, I liked it so much because of it's sleek design (it's a space saver!) and it's uniqueness. The color of the unit itself may be monotonous at first sight without the CDs but that's what makes it more eye catching. The random colors of the discs that you put inside gives it it's life.

Ah, dream dream dream. I hope that when I can afford to by a Bang, this particular music system is still available.

B & O is going to launch the white BeoSound 9000. There will only be 1500 units and the first unit is up for auction... Here is an excerpt of the article from the official site.

"The first white BeoSound 9000 ever - up for auction
We are pleased to announce the launch of an exclusive, limited edition of BeoSound 9000 in white. Only 1,500 pieces will be produced. Number 0001/1500 in the series will be available at auction online, with all the proceeds going to UNICEF.

To celebrate one of the most iconic products in the history of Bang & Olufsen, a limited edition of BeoSound 9000 in white will be produced. Each of the 1,500 will be individually numbered via a laser engraving on the CD clamper. The first white BeoSound 9000 will be up for auction online at the Danish action house Bruun Rasmussen. It’s part of a package which includes a floor stand, a pair of BeoLab 8000 loudspeakers in white and the option of visiting Bang & Olufsen headquarters in Struer, Denmark, where our CEO Karl Kristian Hvidt Nielsen will handover the BeoSound 9000 package to the lucky winner of the auction.
The auction will begin on the 10th of December at 10 am (CET) and will end on the 15th of January 2009 at 8 pm (CET)."

This Is Soooo True

2009-01-04T22:11:00.000-08:00

I read this from my sister's blog and it's soooo true. Here it is but I rephrased it a little bit....

"The rain falls because the clouds can no longer contain its heaviness.. just like TEARS, it falls because the heart can no longer handle the PAIN."

Reads

2009-01-03T12:28:00.000-08:00

Oh so many books, so little time!

The other day, I learned about the free eBook reader application for the iPhone - Stanza. I downloaded and installed it and found out that there are so many free books available. I got six titles lined up for now... The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death by Laurie Notaro, Metropolis by Thea von Harbou, The Memoirs of Barry Lyndon by William Makepeace Thackeray, Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert, War and Peace and Anna Karenina both by Leo Tolstoy.

My sister asked me to buy the Twilight book series from Amazon. I learned that it's not just my sister who is into those novels but my four cousins in TX and CA and my niece in NY are crazy over them too. Not to mention a friend's sister who asked them for Christmas. So why are these books so popular? A friend who watched the movie version told me it was the time he got the deepest of slumbers in his life! hahaha! Just to kill my curiosity, I decided that before sending the books to my sister, I'll try and read at least the first book. That'll be after I'm done with Eintein's Dreams by Alan Lightman. Oh not to mention that I still have two more techbooks to read - both on ASP.Net!

Nakakapagod Din Ang Buhay

2009-01-03T09:52:00.000-08:00

Masarap ang buhay, masarap mabuhay pero nakakapagod din. Sabi ng iba ang mga pinakamasarap at pinakamasaya sa buhay ay libre. Oo, masarap talaga ang libre hahaha.

Pero pano kung di ka makahanap ng trabaho? Marami kang utang na dapat bayaran? May pamilya kang dapat buhayin? Nakikitira ka lang sa kaibigan at lampas ulo na ang hiya na nararamdaman mo sa pag-ampon nya sayo? Malayo ka sa mga taong totoong nagmamahal at nag-aalala sayo? Sugatan pa ang puso mo. Masarap pa ba yun? Hindi na noh!

Pero alam ko marami pa ding dahilan para maging masaya ang buhay. At marami pa ding dahilan para mabuhay. Kahit nitong mga nakaraang panahon ay sumusuko na ako sa dami ng sakit ng ulo, katawan at kalooban, naghahanap pa din ako ng rason para lumaban at makipagsapalaran.

Oo, masarap mabuhay pero nakakapagod din kadalasan. Di lang ang katawan ang napapagod, pati ang puso, isip at kalooban. Sana wag dumating ang panahon na pagod na lang ang maramdaman ko...

Why Do People Have Blogs?

2009-01-03T09:32:00.001-08:00

Every person writes on a blog for probably a million reasons. Me, on the other hand, writes to let off some of the thoughts and feelings I have that I can't contain inside me. Most of the time, writing helps me focus. If I am so upset, I try to write (not necessarily a blog) to get it out of my mind. After that then usually I'm ok again. If I'm happy, I share it through writing. I may not be good but I think my writing isn't that bad either.

Some of the things that I write maybe for or about a particular thing or person or some maybe for anybody and some are remiders for me or some maybe just to brag.... Those are my reasons and nothing more (I guess!). If this is not your way or if you don't agree with my reasons then why the hell are you reading this? hahaha

My (Not So) New Toy

2009-01-02T12:05:00.000-08:00

I got a new (well, not so new anymore) toy on December 5. Or should I say, an early birthday gift for myself? The excitement almost killed me... Ok, shoot me, I'm lying! wahahaha I got the Nintendo DS Lite Limited Edition Red Mario. Aside from it being a limited ed, I so love it because it's RED (all over)!!! It came with the New Super Mario game. I already have some games ready like Diner Dash, Chicken Shoot, Balls of Fury, Cooking Mama and a few more I can't remember.

I bought the Cake Mania game that I really like and I got the Call of Duty World at War game from a friend for Christmas (Thanks!). My son now plays with the DS. He's still having a bit of a difficult time with the real Mario game so he plays with the mini games for now. I already started with Call of Duty but I haven't gone far because my duty as a mother calls for me most of the time. :)

Me Want Knife

2008-12-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

A knife is one of the most important tool you need in the kitchen. It's use is infinite. Food preparation (from veggies to meat). To cut boxes and cords. Can opener. It can also be substituted for a screw driver if you want...

I can live on one knife - if I remember right, I only had one knife in our apartment for quite a while until I had to prepare a bunch of stuff for a gathering that I needed an extra for my dear yaya to use. A 9in chef's knife will work for me.

So while browsing through some kitchen stuff, I chanced upon the site JustKnives101. IMHO, this is a good cutlery site. They have a wide range of German and Japanese cutlery. And they don't just sell, they also explain the how's and what's and even provide manufacturer's details and history.

I found the type and make that I really like but probably they'll just be part of my "forever wish list" because it's way too expensive for me (salivating over a $95 knife!). It's the Global 7in Santoku Knife w/ Hollow Edge. It's a one piece knife that doesn't have a tang and bolster on its handle [where food particles and juices can seep through and hard to be removed by washing which then invites bacteria and germs]. It's a chef's knife with hollow edge that allows air to sit between the food and the knife blade reducing friction and prevents the food from sticking to the knife as you cut. It'll be nice if I can have the 9in version of this though and I would definitely loooooove to have the entire set of these knives.

drooling over this

Nothings

2008-12-17T01:56:00.000-08:00

I was browsing through some glitter graphics and found some that interests me. Here they are...

Life

2008-11-15T23:02:00.000-08:00

A lot of people say that life is short. It is indeed but only when you're having a great life. What when all problems are upon your shoulders? When all seem to fail? When all you do seem to be wrong? Would you still feel that life is too short? Or can't you just wait for your life to end?

I May Be

2008-11-15T23:01:00.000-08:00

I may be a failure as a wife but I hope I'll never be a failure at being a mother...

DC Trip

2008-11-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday (Nov. 1) Wax, Anne, Fred and I went on an afternoon trip to Washington DC. We were actually supposed to meet our friend Rod (former officemate from Deltek) but unfortunately he had prior plans.

DC is a 2.5 hrs drive from here. This is technically my first long drive experience. Yes, I was the designated driver for this trip. I knew my passengers were praying all the time during our trip (maybe Wax too!) The driving was fun but really tiring. Now I can say I know how drivers feel...

Our first stop was an adoration chapel somewhere in a residential part of Washington. I can say, the streets going there were not tourist friendly. There are odd street locations and crossings, stop lights every after >5 meters and the signs are small and not visible. The adoration chapel was just a portion of a house/convent. After that we went downtown. Our dear GPS wasn't that helpful when we were downtown. It was asking me to make turns on streets with no turns so we had to go around alternate routes a few times. Anyhow, when we arrived at the National Gallery of Art, we only had 9 mins to go around so we just took a few pictures inside.

Since all museums close at around 5pm (just about the time we arrived downtown), we decided to just walk the stretch and take pictures. I can say, the color of fall really is captivating. The trees are so lovely. We had a great time walking and taking pictures.

I promise I would go back to DC soon - and be there early - so I can take the time to visit the museums. With whom? I don't know, but I hope I will be with people whom I would enjoy being with.

Here are some of the photos we have (and a lot of them are scrapbook materials!)

All I Need by Jack Wagner

2008-10-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

I was listening to some music this afternoon and
I didn't know this song was one of those
I copied from a friend's collection.
It's an old song...
Listening to the lyrics carefully,
I thought  it was something full of meaning...

=============================

Kissing you is not what I had planned
And now I'm not so sure just where I stand
I wasn't looking for true love
But now you're looking at me
You're the only one I can think of
You're the only one I see

All I need
Is just a little more time
To be sure of what I feel
Is it all in my mind
Cause it seems so hard to believe
That you're all I need

Yes it's true we've all been hurt before
But it doesn't seem to matter anymore
It may be a chance we're taking
But it always comes to this
If this isn't love we're makin'
Then I don't know what it is

No stars are out tonight
But we're shining our own light
And it's never felt so right
Cause girl the way I'm feeling
It's easy to believe
That you're all I need

Pictures Pictures Pictures

2008-10-26T16:14:00.001-07:00

I have here some photo slides of our recent activities...

Slide 1 are from the apple picking activity we had on the 12th of October. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Maybe because I'm not an apple person. But the trip wasn't really for me, it was for Wax. I knew he would have fun and he did!

Slide 2 are from our Manhattan day out on the 13th of October.

Slide 3 are from our visit to the Hershey Chocolate World. Wax and I went there twice in one week (18 & 24). The first one was with Anne and Eldon and the second one was with his dad. On our first visit there were a lot of people. It was a Saturday so it was no doubt a busy day for a place like that. We watched the interactive 3D show. It was fun. It was Wax's first time and he really enjoyed it. Then we took their chocolate tour that showed how Hershey makes their chocolates. And last was shopping for chocolates!!! The second time we went, we did the same tour. But this time we didn't watch the 3D show. We took the interactive story telling. All three of us volunteered to be part of the show. Wax was the bat and the ghost, Jimmy was the mad scientist and I was the crazy assistant. We all had a great time. The only thing I regret was I didn't take a lot of photos :(

So Close (Enchanted movie)

2008-10-19T23:15:00.000-07:00

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Blame it on hormones

2008-10-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

Moon River

2008-10-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

I have always liked this song though I haven't watched the movie...

--==o0o==--

Moon river, wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way

Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
Were after the same rainbows end, waitin' round the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me

Life's Edge

2008-09-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

For once in your life, have you ever wished you're lost and hope that you'll never be found? Have you ever felt you had reached your life's border and just wanted to free fall? Or have you ever thought of just sitting in one corner and never move at all? Did you ever reach a point where all you want is to be alone?

We often times hear people say that one should never give up, to never lose hope. And most of us tell that to ourselves too. But sometimes even the strongest of persons lose their strength to keep up with life's pressures. And there are moments that no matter how you make your self believe that you are never going to lose grip of your life, you just fail.

I have always believed that in life there will be a rainbow after the rain, there will always be light at the end of the tunnel. But never did I thought of how it'll be during the rain or how it will feel while you are in the tunnel. And I guess I never really knew until i got there.

Life is indeed very tough and there is just no better way to cope with and get by other than just keep on reminding ourselves to continue believing that we will see that rainbow and reach that light.

Bike and Me

2008-09-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't tried biking for quite a while. I think the last time I went bike riding was around 2000 at a park in Manila where we rented one for an hour. I know, I know! Someone would definitely ask if it was a Komatsu bike... industrial grade... I'm actually not aware but it sure was strong and sturdy enough to hold my weight. Well, back then I wasn't as heavy though. Haha!

Anyhow, I don't have any knowledge of bikes except the basics. Meaning, it has 2 wheels, pedals, handles, brakes and a chain and that you have to pedal to make it move. So what made me interested in bikes all of a sudden? Well, here in NY, NJ and PA, a lot of people use bikes to go around town... that is if you don't have a car. With the gas prices sky-rocketing plus the fact that parking is not cheap, it's the most efficient way getting around and getting by. Not to mention that it's a good means of exercise too.

So I have been reading some articles about bikes and bike essentials in Cool Tools and I found some nice, important and helpful stuff.

Aside from wearing the proper helmet, it is important to have safety stuff when biking. If possible to wear elbow and knee pads, please do so. You'll never know when you'll have a bad fall. Just like head and tail lights are to a car, it is equally important for a biker to have them especially at night. You see, not all roads have bike lanes nor are bike-friendly. And not every vehicle on the road are too. Tail and head lights and even pedal lamps will keep you visible to everyone on the streets.

Here are some lighting stuff I read from Cool Tools that I want (some are expensive though) ...

Zipka LED Headlamp

Petzl E44 PM Zipka Three-LED Headlamp (article from cool tools, details from Amazon)

Technical Details:
- Extremely compact--about the size of a roll of film
- Small adjustable cord replaces the standard head band
- 3 LED light array provides 150 hours continuous light
- Weighs only 2.2 ounces
- Powered by three AAA batteries (included)

From the Manufacturer:
The Zipka is one of the lightest headlamp on the market. As small as a roll of film, the Zipka's design replaces a headband with a compact, retractable cord to allow the lamp to be worn on the head, wrist, arm or affixed to an object. Powered by three AAA batteries, the three LED's will burn for up to 150 hours. Potential uses are unlimited. Great to keep in your pocket, pack, or tool kit to always have "just in case." Weighs 2.2 ounces with batteries (included). It is water-resistant, but even if it gets completely soaked, it shouldn't short out. Just open it up and dry it out.

Product Description:
Retractable cord allows the light to be worn on the head, around the wrist or attached to a shoulder strap of a backpack, etc.

Pedalite Bike Pedals

Some Features:
- Always on
- No batteries
- Fit and forget
- Carries on even when you stop pedaling
- Designed to make cyclists more visible to motorists day and night from any angle including the sides

Dinotte Bike Lights

Features:
* A high-powered LED tail light (120 lumens) using standard AA rechargeable batteries
* 3 tail light levels & 3 flashing modes. Battery life on HIGH - 2 hours, MEDIUM - 4 hours, LOW - 8 hours. Flashing modes: 12 hours slow pulse, 6 hours rapid pulse, 6 hours strobe
* Includes tail light engine, battery bag with battery holder, worldwide smart charger, 4 AA batteries, straps & tail light mount
* Constant current switching regulator. Low battery indication. Reverse polarity protection. High temperature protection
* 2 year manufacturer's warranty. 4 hour charge time. Weight battery 125g. Weight light engine 185g.

Bonding Time

2008-09-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

My son and I spent the whole day Sunday bonding.

We took the bus and the train to St. Patrick's Cathedral in 5th Ave for Sunday mass then had lunch at McDonald's in 47th. McDonald's isn't a fancy place as you well know but Wax looks forward to getting their new Happy Meal toy and have some french fries.

The E train subway station at 53rd and 5th featured ads of paintings and sculptures. I was surprised to hear him say that he wants to see more paintings. My son, all of almost 4 years old, wanted to see paintings? Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine my son wanting to see paintings - not when all he wants are transformers toys, cars and robots. So then I decided to bring him to the MET.

So after having lunch at McDonald's 4 blocks down from the church, I hailed a cab to bring us to the museum. We spent almost 3 hours going around the museum. Wax saw the huge collection of paintings, sculptures and photographs but what he liked best was the real dead shark in a tank and the sculpture of a woman with a knife in her chest. I knew because those are the two things he talks to me about over and over on our way home.

After the museum trip, we took a walk across Central Park to get to the C train subway station. Good thing I didn't forget to bring his stroller, otherwise he would have asked me to carry him.

Before we got on the LIRR train, Wax asked if we could stop by McDonald's for another round of french fries. I guess all those sight seeing made him feel hungry again.

On the train, all he was blabbering about was the shark, the sculpture of the stabbed woman and the painting of the naked man with the sword (all of which I don't have any idea who the creator, sculptor or the painter was...). I gave him a bath when we got home and fed him the leftover large fries and the nuggets we brought home and continued on with our bonding time watching Men In Black marathon on TBS. We went to sleep at around 1 am.

I had a really great time bonding with Wax. The only thing I regret is forgetting to take pictures during our "trip" - and the really bad thing is I brought my cam with me.

Cooking It Up

2008-09-10T12:38:00.000-07:00

To drown loneliness, I decided to make myself busy today. I did the laundry, cleaned the backyard and cooked three different dishes - Buttered Garlic Shrimps, Liver Steak and Pork Ribs Sinigang.

Buttered Garlic Shrimps

4 oz butter
1 cup minced garlic
2-3 lbs Shrimps

Melt butter in a pan. Saute minced garlic till a bit brown. Add shrimps. Mix and cover. Cook under medium heat until the shrips turn orange.

Liver Steak

1 lb Liver sliced
1 cup Soy Sauce
4 tbsp Fresh Lemon Extract
1 big Onion (white) sliced in circles

Marinate liver in mixed soy sauce and lemon extract for about 15-30 mins. Fry marinated liver in a little oil until a bit brown. Don't overcook. Set aside marinade. Saute onions in pan & oil used to fry liver. Add marinade and bring it to a boil. Pour over fried liver.

Pork Sinigang

2 lbs Pork Ribs
1 medium sized Onion chopped
2 medium sized Tomato sliced into small pieces
1 bundle String Beans
2 Eggplants sliced
2 bulbs Gabi
Kang kong leaves
Okra
2 2-liter packs Knorr Sinigang Mix

Boil pork ribs, tomatoes, onions and gabi until meat is tender. Add Knorr sinigang mix, okra, string beans, eggplant. Bring to a boil. Add kang kong leaves before serving.

That's it. Three easy Pinoy recipes. I prepared all of these in just about two hours.

From Red To Pink

2008-09-09T10:02:00.001-07:00

I have always wanted red... well, that is, in most of the things that I want - car, furniture, equipment, gadgets and utensils to name a few. (But I like purple for personal thingies like clothes, bags, wallets etc) So I can say that red and purple are my two favorite colors.

Anyhow, I found some stuff that temporarily changed my desire for red to pink. Here are the whats and the whys...

KitchenAid Cook for the Cure®

There are more stuff from the KitchenAid Cook for the Cure line that I want and when I have the chance (and the mulah) I would definitely get them. (Thanks to the one who gave me the link!)

Smile

2008-09-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

Artist: Nat King Cole
Words: John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons
Music: Charlie Chaplin

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Fruit Salad with Love

2008-09-08T14:49:00.000-07:00

Today I made some fruit salad. I found some near expiration (haha!) ingredients from my SIL's storage room so I decided to mix up one.

2 cans 30oz Fruit Cocktail (I prefer the tropical fruit cocktail though)
1 small can Nestle Table Cream
1/4 cup Sweetened Condensed Milk
1/2 Kraft Cheese cubed

Drain fruit cocktail. If you don't want the taste of the syrup, you can rinse the fruits with a little water. Place it in a bowl and mix in table cream. You can adjust the amount of cream you put in depending on the extent of creaminess you want. Add the sweetened condensed milk. Same with the table cream, you can adjust the sweetness by adding more milk. Mix in the cubed cheese. Take note that most cheese are salty so be mindful of the amount of cheese you mix in. Chill before serving. You can also add in some coconut gel (nata de coco) and sugar palm fruit (kaong) if you like but these goes well with the tropical fruit cocktail.

Family and Happiness

2008-09-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

Family first. That's what our parents or even our teachers taught most, if not all, of us. And yes I do believe that too. But how about those couples who separated? Should they be condemned for not putting their families as their first priority? I know and I believe that each and every couple have their own reasons for breaking up and I don't judge them for that. In fact, I believe that if a partner is not happy with the relationship, for whatever reason it might be, he or she should let go. I know I may sound so negative but how can you make your marriage happy when you yourself isn't happy anymore?

New Phone!

2008-09-05T11:05:00.000-07:00

Finally, I got a new phone. No, it's not a helio ocean anymore. Yesterday I became a few hundred dollars poorer... Oh, not poorer but in debt. Yes, I charged it to that very powerful plastic card.

I still want to get an ocean but since it's not a choice anymore, I opted to get a new line from T-Mobile but the only thing that they can offer me is another of their Flexi-pay plan. It's a post-paid plan but the thing is there is no contract/tie-up. You just have to pay the month's plan in advance. It's more like a prepaid plan with the post-paid privilege. Anyhow, that's what I got for my husband and I don't want that anymore. I am not really a T-mobile fan but I like their MyFaves feature and I was thinking of the coming Android cellphone.

Then I went to AT&T. They were willing to sign me up for a 2-year contract which will give me discounts on new cellphones. Thanks to the very helpful and accommodating sales rep, Mandeep (hope I got that right). He was able to answer all our questions regarding the plan, future updates/upgrades, termination fees, phone features and all other stuff.

If you read my other post, you know that I was deciding on getting either a Blackberry or an iPhone. I was really leaning on the Blackberry Curve 8310 (not just because of the phone features (which I find good) but the color - RED!) but my husband wanted the iPhone better. We both wanted the Pantech Duo (much like the Ocean) but it's way beyond our budget... but given the chance, I would have gotten that - the maroon.

After trying the three phones several times, we finally decided to get...

Still twiddling on the phone's features now. So far, I like it but the excitement I have isn't the same as when I got the Ocean. I like the wide screen, the sound and camera quality though. And one other thing, I don't have to bring my mp3 player with me all the time.

If you know me well, you'd know how I take care of my stuff so this time I promise to take care of this phone like a baby. Oh and by the way, I'm still using my old number...

Small Collection

2008-09-05T08:24:00.001-07:00

The other day I finally decided to take my small collection of snow globes and magnets out. I have kept it in a box for a long time - never took them out since I got here. Some I got from places I have been to and some were gifts from friends.

I want to get a shelf with glass casing to house my collection but since we still have no place of our own and not enough space, I have to settle for what is available.

Looking at my snow globes gives a smile. Each one brings nice memories and loving thoughts from the places I have been, the people I was with and the friends that gave them to me.

Semi-instant Chicken Alfredo

2008-09-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

Late this afternoon, while arranging my SIL's storage room, I found ingredients for Fettuccine Alfredo. I haven't eaten anything the whole day (loss of appetite due to anxiety? nahhh) so I decided to cook something that I liked. I rummaged through the pile of frozen stuff and found a pack of chicken breast fillet. Perfect for my experiment!

I cut the chicken into strips, added garlic powder and salt and fried it until it was slightly brown. While frying the chicken, I boiled water in a deep pan and added salt and 2 table spoons of cooking oil - this will prevent the noodles from sticking together. In yet another separate pan, pour in a bottle of Ragu Classic Alfredo sauce. I added half cup of water into the empty bottle, shook it and poured the water into the sauce in the pan. The instant sauce is a bit too tasty and salty, the added water somewhat neutralized the taste.

When the sauce started to boil, I added the chicken. Then drain the pasta in a small colander and run under cold water. I placed the pasta in a deep bowl, mixed the sauce and the chicken. I found some leftover bacon so I chopped it and sprinkled it on top.

I guess the experiment was a success. Why? Because the kids liked it (over their favorite rice and chicken wings). And two of the neighbor's children liked it too and even took some home. Tomorrow I am planning on doing another food experiment - fruit salad with a twist.

My Phone Update

2008-09-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

My Helio Ocean is a hopeless case. I thought the phone was going to be ok cause it turned on and I was able to make and receive calls though the slider still doesn't go up. Then it turned off again. I got several quotes for a new Ocean phone but without a new line, I have to get it for the retail price ranging 365++ - 399++. Goodness! My friend adviced me to look for used ones on craigslist and I found several. 40-150, way cheaper than a new one.

I thought everything was going to be ok. I'll have my phone line back up again in a few days but then something came up again. My husband doesn't want me to get a Helio. He wants me to get a new phone, new plan and new provider. So much arguments and too exhausted for more, I let him decide. What ever I do or say will not matter anyhow so why bother. It just falls on deaf ears.

Anyhow, I am planning on getting an iPhone or a Blackberry or any phone that would give me unlimited data - texts, mms, email, chat, web and everything that I had with Helio.

Wild Wood State Park

2008-09-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

On sunday, we were invited for picnic at Wild Wood State Park (Long Island, New York). The weather was perfect for a day in the park. I checked on the internet what the park has to offer - beach, fishing, hiking and biking trail to name a few. Sounded exciting so I decided to go. It was about an hour or so drive from where we are staying.

But when we got there this sign was posted...

There were park police at the entrance that turned down those just arriving. It turned out that there were no more parking spots available but if we want to we can walk. So that's what we did. We're not about to waste an hour of travel just to go back. We left the car outside the park grounds and walked to the picnic area. The park isn't that good though (well, for me it wasn't). Compared to the Little Buffalo State Park we went to in PA this one was nothing.

Anyhow, we spent the afternoon "binging" on food. The kids were having fun, that's what's important. The beach wasn't that great too... no fine sand, no clear blue waters and no great food for the eyes! hahaha ... Trust me there was none! It was a brown beach (yeah! the water was brown!) and the shore was a pebble-filled one. We had no intention of swimming though so no big deal. We just wanted to wet our feet and get some fresh air. Wax and I had a great time pebble picking though. We brought a cupfull of nice pebbles that I intend to put in a little glass jar.

Overall it was a nice afternoon - spending it with the person I love most, my son. Seeing him having a great time is enough to make my day.

Would You?

2008-09-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

Would you sacrifice your own happiness just to make someone else happy? Even if it makes your life miserable?

Some Lessons in Life

2008-09-02T06:37:00.000-07:00

Someone sent this to me yesterday and I thought it was something nice to share.

------

Don't let someone become a priority in your life,
when you are just an option in their life...
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

Never explain yourself to anyone.
Because the person who likes you doesn't need it,
and the person who dislikes you won't believe it.

When you keep saying you are busy,
then you are never free.
When you keep saying you have no time,
then you will never have time.
When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow,
then your tomorrow will never come.

When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices.
Go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase those dreams.
The choice is yours...

Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
becasue the flow that has passed will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment of life...

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some 5 balls in the air.
You name them - work, family, health, friends and spirit
and you are keeping all of these in the air.
You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball.
If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other 4 balls - family, friends, health and spirit are made of glass.
If you drop one of these,
they will be irrevocably scuffed or damaged aor even shattered.
And they will never be the same.
You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.

First I was dying to finish high school and start college
And then I was dying to finish college and start working
Then I was dying to marry and have children
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back to work.
But then I was dying to retire.
And now I'm dying.
And suddenly I realized I forgot to live.
Please don't let this happen to you.
Appreciate your current situation and enjoy each day.

New Favorite

2008-09-01T18:09:00.001-07:00

I have a new (old) watch and it's fast becoming my favorite since I got it a few days back. I like it so much because it's so cute (not to mention whom I got it from - you made my day! ;)). I can't describe how happy I am to have this new watch. I still have my old Snoopy watch as my most favorite though. Here are pictures of the two watches. As you can see, I'm not a fan of those fancy expensive watches. I like those that we can say are nice, simple and cute. It makes me feel simple (and young hahaha!)

My Phone

2008-09-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

I dropped my Ocean phone today. Don't ask me how or why but it sure was a pretty nasty drop. It wouldn't turn on and one of the sliders won't go up. I am devastated. I called Helio and they said they don't have repair shops. I can bring the phone to the store so they can take a look at it but that's just about it. Their tech support said that if the phone doesn't turn on and one of the sliders doesn't go up then they can't do pretty much. I have to buy a new one then. That'll cost me about a hundred or so dollars again. My husband doesn't want me to buy a new helio phone. He's asking me to get a new one from T-mobile but I don't want to. I want the ocean phone. It's very convenient for a consultant like me or for the kind of work that I have. I can read emails from vendors anytime. But I don't think he understands that. Anyhow, I am trying to call Helio or Finawireless for a quote. I hope I can get a good deal from them.

Friends Unite - Virtually

2008-08-19T06:20:00.000-07:00

A few days ago - 4 days to be exact - I got the chance to chat with my friends from VSG. Gerlie and Eric are my batchmates. We were the last three (of the 5) to be sent here in the US from the 2007/2008 batch of consultants.

We were separated initially by my deployment to Pennsylvania. Gerlie left a week after for Seatle to be with her family and Eric finally left the guest house a few days later to stay with his family in New Jersey. They are both still waiting for their deployments while I on the other hand, is about to end mine in a few weeks.

I really miss them. We "talked" about the fun activities we did in the GH. Armed with the common PC and dear YouTube, we were able to have karaoke and ballroom dancing sessions. Eric was our best bet for karaoke - he really has good voice (American Idol material! hahaha) and Gerlie was our dancing prof.

In December, we are planning on having our reunion, when Gerlie and her family can come over this side of the country. I hope that no matter where our work brings us, we can always find time to chat and catch up.

So Little Time

2008-07-17T17:31:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I had the chance to do some 'writing' (if you could call this one). Actually, this blog has been the place where I let off some steam. No one really knows this except for those who do some searching. So this is much of an update for myself then. haha!

Anyhow, I have been busy with work for the past weeks that it eats most of my time. It's an 8-hr-a-day-pay type of a job with a more-than-12-hours work time, which, in the Philippines we technically call OTY... That's OverTime changed to Oh Thank You.

I have been trying to juggle office work, family time, rest and relaxation and the things that I want to do. I haven't even had the time to work on any scrapbook page. I would love to go play some table tennis or lawn tennis with DH or friends, or walk along the riverbank or go to the movies.

I have been here in Harrisbug, PA for about 6 weeks and I haven't got the chance to go around except for the usual route I take going to the office. I live with a friend in an apartment building at downtown. Not much life here though since 90% of the shops close around 7pm. All that's left open after that are the bars. This is one downtown that doesn't look and feel like one. Imagine no night life? The capitol building is here though and a museum is about 4 blocks away. What I would love to do here though is walk along the riverbank and go to the City Island. I still have to do some research on this one. I hope one of these days, before my project here ends in August, I would be able to go around the area.

Oh, and my typical week schedule starts at 730am and ends about 10-1030 everyday but if it's laundry day, that would be 1130. Every friday, I leave the office a little early cause I have to catch the bus to NY. Yes, I go home every weekend to NY to be with DH and DS. Sunday, after lunch, I travel back to Harrisburg. I get to the apartment about 11pm max. Not much ME-time anymore except for that bus or train ride to and from NY which most of the time I spend by reading a book or sleeping.

So you see, so much to do yet so little time.

Happiness

2008-07-01T01:02:00.000-07:00

Being happy is a choice. Yes, a choice. It has been said so many times by so many people that however sad you are, if you choose to be happy, you will be happy. I agree, but they never said how long it'll take for you to truly, finally reach that state.

My Battle

2008-06-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

I always thought that life in the US was a bed of roses. After a few months I realized that yes, it is indeed a bed of roses - with a lot of thorns hidden underneath. I struggled with my job. I fight loneliness. I have a strained relationship with my husband. I miss my son so much. I feel depressed, pressured and tired. A little more and I'd feel like a rope being pulled and twisted to the brink of breakage. This is a battle I never imagined I would be fighting. I guess this is just about me. I am trying to learn the tricks of getting over this. I have my son/hero/big baby boy/honey to think about. He's the one that keeps me going, the fuel of my life.

Work at Last!

2008-06-05T22:52:00.000-07:00

Finally, after more than three months of waiting, I have work at last! Yes, you read that right! Finally, after so many resume reviews, submissions, vendor calls and a handful of client interviews, I got an assignment. Thanks to my friend Anne, who "forced" her team lead to consider me. I am now in Harrisburg, PA working on a project for the Department of State. Though it's just a short-term (3-month) assignment, I am still so happy I got it. I just hope I'll be able to perform well, for them to keep me for the next three months - and not boot me out of the project or have me shipped back to the 385 guesthouse in NJ, which I dread the most. :)

My first day was a bit boring and a little frustrating. I guess, maybe because I was just reading through stored procedures. But every bit of that feeling changed on my second day. I got my first task - well, technically, it was a list of tasks. I was going to make dynamic stored procedures for the application's reports. I completed this task an hour before we left the office this afternoon. I know tomorrow won't be dragging because they're giving me a new task. A task more challenging than the first one.

Well, can't wait for friday to come. I'm so excited to go back to my family in New York and spend the weekend with them. And tell them how my first week was at work.

Is love the most painful thing?

2008-05-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

Isn't it that falling in love or being in love is the most wonderful thing? Well, that was what I thought too.

What if you're in love with a man that loves another? Isn't that painful? He tells you you're important but couldn't even say to you that he loves you. He spends so much time with you. Holds your hands. Kisses you. Always there for you. Calls you everyday. All these and yet he just couldn't let go of the other one. Isn't that painful? You know you're just second rate and yet you still go on loving him? Does he really love you but just couldn't say so he just shows it through his actions? Maybe he is or is he just a good pretender? You're happy when you're together or when you're talking over the phone but during those moments when you're on your own, your mind plays with your thoughts - makes you think they're sending messages to each other. Or is it because you know that they are? Do you trust him enough? Paranoid may be the word... Should you leave him? Or should you go on and just be contented? Are you just blinded by the feeling?

Can't really tell, until you're the one in that relationship. I couldn't say what to do. My friends couldn't either. Maybe continue till it lasts? Love the feeling of being in love while it's still there? I don't know. Most say that when you love, you must not expect him to love you back. I guess that's true. You don't have to expect, but you can't stop yourself from hoping that he loves you back.

Now, is love the most painful thing? I say it's not. It's not love that makes it painful, it's the situation you're in, how you react to it and how you accept it.

I love you, goodbye...

2008-05-15T09:36:00.000-07:00

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need

Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby thats not me

You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby thats something I cant do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do

You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never ganna work out
I love you, goodbye

Good-bye?

2008-05-05T12:11:00.000-07:00

"Do you remember what you said to me once? That you could help me only by loving me? Well, you did love me for a moment, and it helped me. It has always helped me. But the moment is gone, it was I who let it go. And one must go on living. Good -bye."

The House of Mirth p.262
Edith Wharton

Reason for Living

2008-04-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you felt there is no reason for living? Question sounds scary huh? This must have been what's inside a person's head when he's contemplating on ending his life, or when he feels all alone, depressed and lonely, or when his life is all messed up and can't find a way to make it better, or when he's drowning in pain - physically or emotionally.

This thought popped into my head this morning... not that I wanted to end my life or anything - don't read me wrong here. Maybe I just had too much time to myself that I was thinking of so many things. Things I wanted to do with and in my life but just couldn't... miss my family... having no work... insecurities... blah blah blah.

Ok, back to the question/topic... Why would a man think there is no reason for living? Aren't our families reason enough? Or our friends? Or the man we love? I have always wanted to ask people who tried ending there lives why they did it. Is it a mental thing or an emotional disturbance or just plain weakness?

I remember a friend from high school who took her life by hanging herself from the beam of their house. They said it was because of insecurity. It was tragic so to speak, but no one knew the reason. I couldn't say it was because of that - she did good in school, she was athletic, she had lots of friends, her family was well off and I think was a cool family. Why did she do it?

I also know of someone who had tendencies but I never had the guts to ask what triggers them or what's in his mind. I know there are scientific/medical explanations but what I wanted to know is what's on the minds of these people? What makes them do it?

I know I had reached a point where I thought I had no reason for living but then I think of my son and the poeple I love and the thought just slips by... I know I can always think of a reason and there'll always be one. I guess the desire to live is what drives me to move on. I just hope that desire doesn't wear off and if it does.......

Two Favorite Songs

2008-04-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

I just felt like posting the lyrics of two of my favorite songs. Songs that I have been keeping in my playlist for the longest time...

I'll Be by Edwin McCain

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be your love suicide
and I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be your love suicide
and I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be your love suicide
and I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Iris by Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that ill ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Set Free

2008-04-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

"If you love someone, set him free.
If he comes back, he's yours.
If not, then it wasn't meant to be."

A very classic quote that many of us have actually tried a million times to apply in our lives... for anything. But in reality, it's actually easier said than done especially when it involves a person.

How can we let go of someone (or something) we truly love? Isn't letting go also a sign of not loving? Or is letting go also a way of not dragging that person into our already f--ked up lives? We often times ask ourselves these questions and end up just fooling ourselves into thinking that everything will be okay even if it doesn't.

Well, life has to go on even if we don't want to... even if it means living without the one that we set free...

Falling In Love

2008-04-08T12:02:00.000-07:00

Last night while having dinner, we chanced upon Paradise Hotel on tv. For the benefit of those who doesn't know (that includes me!) Paradise Hotel is a reality show on Fox - let's say like the concept of the Pinoy Big Brother reality show in the Philippines. Paradise Hotel, according to a site, is a show where a group of single, sexy men and women are given a opportunity to live together in a exotic hotel. They do stuff together, out do each other, kiss, be romantic, fall in love etc...

Wait? Fall in love? How can they say they fall in love in such a short time? Stupid I must say... but then when I asked my friends that question, they all gave different views. Then what and when, may I ask, do you say you are falling in love or have fallen in love?

I remember when I was a teenager, I would say I have fallen in love when I couldn't stop thinking of the boy I liked. I was kind of obsessed. Always wanted to get a glimpse of him, got dreamy-eyed when thinking about him... you know, that teeny-bopper thingy.

But then as I grew older it changed. I often laughed at the thought of how stupid and silly I must have sounded or acted when I was a teener. Goosebumps dear! Maybe I still get that dreamy-eyed look or that obsessiveness but for a different reason. I know I have fallen in love when I could take in the differences we have and still stick with him... you know, the good ol' love is blind stuff.

Ok enough of that mushy stuff about me or my views. I found two articles in the web. Falling in love from a man and a woman's view... first article is from SelfGrowth.com "That Sweet Feeling of Falling in Love" by Dr. Noelle Nelson. It is, I think, a very good basis of knowing how falling in love is and what it really is. The other is Love, versus the "feeling of love". I liked this one because of its spontaneity and not to mention that a man wrote it.

Each and everyone of us have different reasons, views and even arguments about falling in love. And the word love itself is of thousand meanings. So how would you really know when you have fallen in love? Honestly, I don't know. I couldn't even give a meaningful definition of it but I sure know I have definitely fallen in love.

Quest for the Ultimate Guide to Effective Communication

2008-04-07T21:55:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have been arguing on and on for a couple of weeks about communication since I got here. And frankly, the communication was going well - actually that was what I thought. With the distance and time difference, all we had were my dinner time onwards or his. I didn't have my own computer then (technically, I still don't since what I'm using now is a borrowed one) so I had to wait till the common pc's free. Texting was my primary means but it was expensive on my part since I only had a prepaid phone, and everyone in the US using this kind of service could attest to that. Well anyway, dear husband wanted me to answer as soon as I got his message and if I missed, it'll definitely be an issue. I've constantly explained my side but then he has his own reasons too. I knew his "arguments" were reasonable. Not that I'm saying DH is not understanding, it's just that I might have not been clear enough with my explanation or I might have used the wrong words.

So what really is the way to effectively communicate? While I was thinking of this, my friend Eldon sent me a message in ym asking me if I wanted to visit his blog to pass the time. As luck would have it, he had an entry "On Effective Communication". "Nice!" I said to myself. "This might be of big help... might as well read it." It didn't really give a direct hit to my question but I felt it was going to be a good way to start my quest for the ultimate step-by-step guide.

Here is an excerpt of his article...

"To become an effective communicator, one requires a large repertoire of communication skills, the ability to monitor thy self, the ability to adapt, to be involved, and the ability to empathize. Regardless of the channel (e.g. face to face, email, chats), environment (e.g. differences in personality, situations, or locations), and noise (e.g. psychological, physiological, and external ones), the aforementioned characteristics are necessary.

We need interpersonal communication for reasons of practicality, physical, social, and identity needs. Thus, learning to be an effective communicator is necessary even if there is no single idea or effective way to do it and that it depends on each particular situation. "

Lessons From A Night Over Pizza

2008-04-03T22:47:00.000-07:00

The other night, my housemates and I had the chance to indulge ourselves in a hearty conversation over pizza and soda. There were lots of interesting topics discussed but there was two that - let me say - took the rest of the night away, attitude and adultery. Well actually, adultery is such a harsh word so let me just use a phrase longer than the word... having someone else other than your wife or husband.

Players. There were five of us around the table... four males and me. All married except for one.

First topic. This unmarried guy asked the rest of the group if couples' attitudes change when they get married. Everyone had their share of opinions and stories. One said it doesn't, another said it depends. Well, I said, and still say, it doesn't. During the first couple of days or even weeks you won't notice it. Same sweetness, politeness, thoughtfulness even the way you talk to each other is how it was when you were still not living together... but then you'll realize as time pass by you'll see something new, you feel something different. I don't really know how to explain it but you see the REAL attitude. How he is at home. How he reacts to a unscheduled wake up call. How he is upon waking up. How he eats, sleeps, takes a bath. How you fight over the toothpaste tube. How you hug and cuddle. How we ladies react to our husband's late Friday night out with the boys. These are some of the things you don't see when you were still going out. Actually, if you analyze well, most of the time it doesn't really change, you just discover something new. That might be how he really is, you just didn't know. Remember the saying that you'll only know a person's REAL attitude when you get to live together under one roof.

Second interesting topic. I noticed that all my housemates "liked" girls - that is, to the maximum level. I felt it was nice to ask the guys why they - or generally men - would have someone other than their wives. It's like having a spare key, I must say. They said they had to separate their reasons for a one night stand and long-term-other-woman. Common reason for one night stands, they say, are just for fun. They like having fun and they say it's just something to take the heat off. After they "unload" their stuff, their's nothing to it anymore. For the long-term-other-woman, if a man seeks one or gets into one such relationship then there must be a problem with their (wife) relationship or with his wife. So then I asked them, what if it's the other way around? It's the girls having these kinds of relationship. The room just burst out into a loud discussion. Everyone reacted negatively, one even joking that he might just as well kill the other guy. Being the only "rose amongst the thorns". I had to put up with all their double-standard, biased reasons. For them, women don't really get into one night stands just for the hang of it. They usually get into these situations because of an emotional attachment of some sort. And that's the big difference they say. Men's reason: just for fun, women: emotional attachment. And it's not really good of an image if it's the woman doing it. Women loses something, men don't. As for the long-term-other-man thing, they gave the same reason - something's wrong.

It's really difficult to know the reason why men or women go into such "relationships" but one thing I got from them that I can say is worth remembering is if this happens to a husband and wife, regardless of who committed the deed, both just has to sit down, talk, discuss the issues and reasons and come up a with a decision that is going to be of good not just for themselves but for the whole family as well. Forgiveness is the key.

Truth, Lie and a Love Story

2008-04-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

Atonement is the first movie I was able to watch here in the US. And actually the type of film that would tickle my fancy but wouldn't end up watching if I was still in the Philippines... Just don't ask me why.

It's actually a movie adaptation of the Ian McEwan novel of the same title. I have never read any of his books but after watching this movie I promised myself I'd make some time to read his novels.

It's a story of two people (Cecilia and Robbie) madly in love who because of a false accusation were never able to truly show their love for each other. Decades later the real truth was told too late.

The twists and turns of the plot is actually something that made me think. I had to focus and understand the conversations so I could really appreciate the movie. That's something I like in a film, something that would make me think and at the same time enjoy.

Some found it dragging, some boring. But I liked it. I think it's a classic tale of a tragic love story that was broken by situations beyond the control of two people madly in love.

I Want A Guy...

2008-03-31T21:42:00.000-07:00

I want a guy who would move the hair away from my eyes and then kiss me, hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous.
Someone who would sing to me at random moments, who would let me sleep on his chest.
A boy who would get mad at someone if they called me ugly or was mean to me.
I want someone who would call me 3 times a day if he went away.
Someone who would let me gossip to him and would just smile and agree with everything I said.
He would throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then kiss me a million times.
Someone who would make fun of me just to make me laugh.
He would take me to the park and put his hands around my waist and give me near hugs all the time.
He would tell all his friends about me and smile when he did it.
And we'd make out in the pouring rain.
He would never be afraid to say "I love you" in front of his friends,
and we'd argue about silly things then make up.
I want a boy that would kiss me at midnight on New Years and count stars with me.
Who would stay home with me on a Friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket.
Someone who would tell me I'm beautiful but not too often,
who would make me laugh like no one else could.
But mostly, I want someone who would be my best friend and would never break my heart.

picked up from PYZAM.com

Moving Out, Moving In

2008-03-31T20:53:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new "home". I have been thinking of moving my non-scrapbooking/non-crafting related entries to this new blog for god-knows-how-long-ago but couldn't get the chance to. So why the new blog? I don't want to bore my fellow scrappers with my uninteresting entries that's why... :) Most of the next entries I will be posting are the ones from my original blog. And I would probably be more active posting new nothings here for the next couple of months.

I just realized recently that blogging has been my outlet for venting my feelings, thoughts and heartaches for the past months. I don't really care if no one reads this but I would be very thankful if one does.